Thursday, 22 October 2009
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That's Me in the Corner...
In the spotlight, losing my religion.
Okay, so not really losing my religion but losing my identity in some form.
I have always been the healthy girl.
I have (as of the past 4-5 years) been the China girl.
I have been the girl who is independent and a little icy.
I am now the girl with MS.
I don't think about anything but my MS and the effect it has on my life.
I cannot live in China on any kind of permanent basis.
North Korea and Tibet are definitely out.
I have to be dependent on other people for support in many forms.
I don't know what changes are coming next.
I no longer am sure what I want to do with the rest of my life.
Facing this feeling alone is scary.
I know I'm not really alone, but that doesn't stop me from feeling alone a lot of times.
Thursday, 15 October 2009
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A Good Reminder
In dealing with my MS diagnosis, I have experienced a wide range of emotions. Most of them just involve me crying a lot. I cognitively KNOW God is in control of me, but my emotions don't always get the memo. When my emotions take over, I know I have to take comfort in God's words.Psalm 22
From Suffering to Praise
1 My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?
[Why are You] so far from my deliverance
and from my words of groaning?2 My God, I cry by day, but You do not answer,
by night, yet I have no rest.3 But You are holy,
enthroned on the praises of Israel.4 Our fathers trusted in You;
they trusted, and You rescued them.5 They cried to You and were set free;
they trusted in You and were not disgraced.I wouldn't say that I feel forsaken right now, but I do feel kind of helpless and a little hopeless. I know God can take this from me if He chooses, but I just don't think He wants to take it away. I think He has plans for me that include this disease. I also know that those plans will involve me being strong yet again. Sometimes, I just get tired of being the strong one. As a single 20something, I often have to be the strong and independent one. I know I have had a relatively easy life. I've gotten pretty much everything I've ever wanted, with the exception of a husband and family of my own (so far). I just get tired of being strong and independent. One of my best friends said it best tonight, though. "Kimmie, you don't have to always be strong. You have to depend on people more. That is what we are for." I have to learn what it really means to lean on other people for my support and God for my strength. Just because I don't have a husband doesn't mean I don't have people to be strong for me. I have actually been blessed beyond measure in that area.
I am surrounded by a host of people who have endured harder circumstances than I have. They have endured sickness, loss, persecution, and they continued to trust in God, and they were set free, and they were not disgraced. I have to remember that He is not going to fail me. "Why do we think if we trust God too much He will fail us?" (BarlowGirl)
Saturday, 26 September 2009
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Shut ins
I promised myself that I would update more regularly, but I don't really find much noteworthy going on. School, work, church, friends, repeat. Kind of the cycle of my life. I love it (except for the work part), but not much excitement happens now.
Mary and I decided to be old women and stay home tonight and veg out. We rented "Obsessed" with Beyonce and Ali Larter. Much better movie than I would have expected. We admittedly set the bar pretty low, but enjoyable nonetheless.
Wednesday, 16 September 2009
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Seminary Boys
You know, I'm really hard on the boys I go to school with. I'm hard on them because there seem to be a disproportionate number of "jack holes" (to use my friend's term) in seminary. I mean, these men are going to be church staff members one day. If they are in charge of our churches, I genuinely fear the future of Christendom. However, an occasional exception to this rule pops up from time to time. Today, I experienced two of these occasions. (Note: These are seemingly small happenings, but the motive behind the actions spoke volumes.) The first non-jack hole occurrence happened after my class this morning. I was walking into another building, and I noticed a guy from my class was about ten feet behind me. I was getting closer to the door, and I wondered how to approach the opening of the door situation. I'm a good Southern girl. I mean, I can open my doors, of course, but I generally anticipate that a man will open them if he can. I try not to expect it, and then it is more pleasant when it actually happens. (Confession: I judge them a little if they do not open the door for me, though.) This situation was a little different. I didn't want to stop at the door and wait for him to catch up to me to open it for me (that seems presumptuous and kind of bratty), but I didn't want to open it for myself if he was going to be right behind me (making him feel like I didn't appreciate such gallant acts). Then, lo and behold, he sped up just in time to reach the door at the same time as I did, and he graciously opened it for me. Though I do sometimes expect men to commit such chivalrous acts for me, I am always grateful when they do so. This guy didn't have to speed up just to get that door for me. He did it out of what I see as an attitude of service for his sister. Now, I have some guy friends who do not like to open doors for girls because they don't like to "give in" to "what is expected of them." However, men, most of us are genuinely thankful when you exhibit an attitude of service towards us, no matter how small. The second occurrence happened tonight. I was studying with some friends in the student center, and I declared that I was ready to go home (before everyone else). My guy friend immediately said, "Do you want me to drive you?" Now, doing so would have meant him packing up all his stuff and leaving before he was ready, which was totally going out of his way to take care of me. The main difference is that the first occurrence of kindness was a virtual stranger, and the second was my good friend.
Point? Though the jack holes abound here at NOBTS, there is the occasional exception, and we girls (this one, at least) appreciate them!
Disclaimer: Many jack holes will open the door for girls-they are mostly "good 'ole boys" from Mississippi, Louisiana, and Alabama. My "jack hole stories" usually stem from class discussions.
Additional musing: Most of these jack holes are married. How did that happen??? Why do their wives not train them better???
Monday, 14 September 2009
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Old entries blocked by the Great Firewall
Monday, September 24, 2007
Last Thursday, all of the students decided that the cafeteria prices are too high, so they organized a boycott. Mifan, in all her wisdom, decided to invite everyone over to my house for a dinner party. Well, we decided to do a theme party. We had just bought "Charlotte's Web," so we decided to have a pig party. We ate pork, watched the movie, and instructed everyone to bring their pig toys. It was so much fun to hang out with everyone in such a fun atmosphere!
Monday, September 24, 2007Being a soccer mom to the highest degree, the annual sports meet is probably my favorite day of the year, aside from the soccer championship game. Well, we had our sports meet on this past Friday. It was good and sad all at the same time. Good because I got to be a soccer mom and cheer my kids on. Bad because my first year students are seniors now, and this is probably my last sports meet at this school. Well, the morning started out with the parade of departments, including the international teachers. First, I missed the parade because I was talking to Mifan at the fence, so I had to run about 30 yards to catch up to them. Once I caught up, we paraded around the field. Mind you, everyone else was marching in perfect (well, not perfect) unison. We just kind of lumbered along in a clump.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007Okay, I am trying to be more disciplined in writing about my life. I know I'll want this information when I'm 70 years old and bored.
Oh, I forgot to add my favorite moment of the summer. Mifan and I were visiting her grandmother, and she was scolding both of us that we were too thin, then she BURST into tears because she was so distraught that we were not eating. Now, if you know me or Mifan, you know eating is about the only thing we do, along with watching TV and playing with the cat. It was so funny that that was what she chose to cry about...
Anyway, first week of school. Yesterday, I had one of my old classes. They were by far my hardest class to teach last year, but I grew to love them as my friends. I just HATE teaching them. Anyway, I had seen some of my old students, and I had been greeted with a range of enthusiasm, ranging from screaming and hugs to kisses, but everyone was excited to see me. So I bound into class and exclaim, "Good morning!" thinking I would at least get a mumbled response from them. I got NOTHING. They just looked at me. This continued throughout the WHOLE class, except for the break, when they were clamoring to talk to me. Go figure...they refuse to speak English in class, but they can't wait to talk to me when class is finished. They were funny, though. We were doing a lesson on comparisons, so I asked what China and America had in common. My favorite answer: "They both have KFC!" Well, I finished class and had lunch with a teacher friend from last year. In the afternoon, I had my first class in the school of business. I walked in the class, expecting them to be asleep, since they had just eaten and it was HOT. But I walked in and announced, "Good afternoon!" To which I got a shocking reply of "GOOD AFTERNOON!!!!!" They were yelling in unison, so I decided to try again:
Me: How are you today?
Class: FINE!!!
Me: How was your summer?
Class: GOOD!!!
Me: Are you happy to be back at school?
Class: NOOOOO!!!
They were so funny. They kept their energy level up through the whole class. One boy actually apologized to me for yawning. My other students don't even apologize for sleeping! I was pleasantly surprised by them!
Tuesdays aren't much fun, though. I only have 1 class, and it is at 1:30 in the afternoon, so my whole day is shot. Today was good, though, I got up, talked to Molly, did some reading, and went for a walk. I know our good weather is about to be gone for good. Then I had lunch with Mifan and Dongdong. Then I had my other last year class this afternoon. Seeing them was so much fun. They just talked and talked and asked me question after question. I know I loved them last year, but I think I forgot how much. Seeing them again just made my heard happy. I think we are going to have a fun year. That's all for now. Have tennis plans later; still trying to take advantage of the good weather!
Sunday, August 26, 2007Since Xanga was shut down in China, I guess I should find some place to make updates.
Last semester was so much fun. I got to spend a lot of time with my old students from my first year here. It is random the way we all reconnected, but it happened, and we had a great time. Some of us reconnected through tennis, others over watermelon in the cafeteria, and others of us through our "club" we founded. I finished out my semester teaching 24 hours (10 classes and 2 English corners). It was tiring, but worth it to get to know so many new students. Last semester was the semester of the Motel 8. I had visitors coming and going all the time. In march, my teammate Landon came to visit for a week. It was so fun getting to hang out with her again, and I got to hang out with some of her students. In the end of April/beginning of May, my parents got to come visit. It was a whirlwind of 9 days, spent in Changchun and Beijing. It was so much fun for them to see where I have been living for the past 2 1/2 years, even though it was surreal to have my home life connected to my China life.
(Pictures on my page.) Right after my parents left, my friends Amy and Anne came to visit, along with Amy's mom Judy and Anne's husband, Charlie (AKA the Chuck). They are two of my best friends from my first year in China, so it was great to have them here. We had lots of fun and ate lots of hot pot!
Since I had so many visitors, I decided to stay in China this summer and visit my friends in Lhasa, Tibet. Easier said than done. After some protestors demonstrated on Mt. Everest, getting permission for foreigners to go into Tibet got incredibly hard. It seems to be even harder if you are a Chinese resident (not a tourist). But after weeks of agony, I finally got my permit and my plane tickets. I spent a great three weeks there. I had so much fun reconnecting with old friends there. We ate and shopped and danced and just hung out and enjoyed each others' company. (Pictures on my page.)
After my summer excursion, I spent about ten days being a bum before classes start tomorrow. I am keeping 2 of my VHE classes from last year. I'm really excited about being able to continue my relationships with them, even though they are VERY young and tend to drive me crazy in the classroom. Anyway, that is my update, and maybe I'll try to be more diligent in my writings this semester!
Wednesday, March 14, 2007This week, I taught a lesson about the future in one of my classes. I asked the students to interview their partners and ask how they think their lives might change in 10 years. Here are some of the funnier responses: (They are printed exactly as written)
He wants a beautiful wife and many beautiful
uglylovers! (BAD BOY!!!) He want to publish some books. That all.My girl want to born so many children which can made up a football team. She wants a man like Owen. She wants to have many money. She wants to publish a book. She wants to travel too many place. This is her ten years plan.
My partner is a Chinese Kongfu teacher famous all over the world. So he is so rich to buy an own plane. Many many girls want to marry him.
My neighbor want to be a teacher in Kim's hometown. He wants to have a private Chinese school. He wants to teach Kim's baby Chinese.
He wants to find a girlfriend. Maybe get marry and maybe have a baby, but he don't want to bring him/her up. And let him/her grandparents do it.
-Miffy? No, Bill writed it. Just by Miffy.
My partner is XX.
She will be a busy woman. Every morning she drive her car in a forgein, can. As a Chinese teacher of many youth and eldly people. The students are as well as her friends. After classes her go home to take care of the bobies. But she doesn't want to get marry.
She wants to born a twins in 33. The twins is a boy and a girl. She wants to play computer games everyday.
My neighbor want to have two babies, one is a girl, another one is a boy, Because he love babies very much.
My neighbor need one wife and one lover!
My neighbor like all kinds of girls.
My neighbor will grown-up in ten years.
My neighbor wants to be a teacher. She wants to teach her sister's factory's chickens English.
She will go to 10 countries at least, but she hope she can come back China and set up a family with a foreigner.
My neighbour want to be a teacher in any country. She wants to have a car, two babies, no
husband. Because she is a great woman! She wants to earn lots of money, she also wants to have a petdog and many bunnies!A Great Mother!She will to be a teacher in Korea.
She will have only one her own child.
She will have a lot of money.
Maybe she will marry an Korean man.
She will do the eye operation, because she doesn't want to wear glasses.
She will be heavier, she said her mother became heavier after borned her.
He said he wanted to be a lawyer in the future. Because he can help the kind people to punish the bad ones. He is a brave man! He also said he wanted to marry a beautiful woman, and borned football team babies. In this way, He is a crazy man.
My neighbor want to be a super star in 10 years. And anybody in the world all know her. She will have a happy family, every day her handsome husband will take her back their home. Meanwhile her lovely children are waiting for them. How happy they are!
Have a lot money after ten years. She have a company. And provice car. Maybe have a lovely baby and handsome lover love her. I think that time she very happily but I don't know. She if miss me. I will do a good friend wishes forever.
**Sorry it is so long, but I love the things they say to me!
kiminchina
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- Name: Kim
- Country: United States
- Metro: New Orleans
- Birthday: 12/4/1981
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 6/3/2004
